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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?